This was the first week of the Intensive Outpatient Program. The group started with 7, then 5, then 4, and then 3. I don’t think it’s my presence causing the dwindling – I have been showering regularly. In seriousness, it’s a completely different therapist, only three hours of therapy, and an entirely different vibe altogether. I really liked my first therapist for being so “real” for lack of a better word. My second therapist I like for their passion and compassion to the program.

I’m glad I decided to go to IOP as a step-down program. I wish I wasn’t so tired after group and could work more than just two hours, but it’s a gradual process and I’m learning to live with it.

Since, my manager has been having their own health struggles, another coworker of ours has really had to step up, and take on additional responsibility. In appreciation, my manager and I sent her a couple of gifts to show our appreciation. One was just a bracelet, but the other was a dammit doll. They come with a cute poem that I don’t remember at the moment, but the main purpose of a dammit doll is to beat the hell out of it when you’re frustrated or have other negative emotions. This allows you to shift your focus outward instead of inward, and protects you from hurting others once you’ve directed that emotional energy outward. I made one during one lengthy stay in a different hospital many years ago. I highly recommend them.

I’m hoping that my full time back to work date is in the next couple of weeks. I genuinely think I needed these programs and I’m not sure what state I would be I had I not gone. But I’m anxious to return to a semi-normal work/life routine.